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Gone fishing

Fished for a cat from a bathtub today

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She just wasn’t biting.

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Dear Friends,

The time is nearing when I may have the opportunity to finally reconcile with my dad.  This both excites me and terrifies me.  You see we have had a strained relationship for many years (thus the need for reconciliation) and while things have been getting progressively better we still are not open, or at least I am not.  I keep my defenses up because truth be told I am afraid that he may reject me or that things will get worse, but that is not the only fear.

The opportunity to reconcile is going to come in the next few weeks before I ship out to work at camp.  He is coming into town for a few days in the near future, and I am praying that we might be reconciled then.  I also am hoping to invite him to visit the camp for a weekend or so while I am up there.  However all this comes with it’s own set of fears.

My dad was recently diagnosed with melanoma, while it is not terribly serious at the moment there is a very real possibility that it could spread.  So the fear that follows is that we are reconciled, our relationship restored and he dies. I keep having this recurring nightmarish vision of him dying when I am at camp and not making it back for the funeral.

I have a tendency to jump to worst case scenario, always have.  I recall talking with one of my professors, asking him to pray for me (one of the many benefits to a Christian university) because I have a lot of walls that need removing, I need to be open.  He asked if the walls were there because of past betrayal or fear of future doom.  I said the past, but in truth it is both.  There were past betrayals that made me vow never to be in that place again, but there is also a fear of a future doom that is probably not coming.

So there you have it the jacked-upness that is me the blogger

 

 

Ps: I am thinking about posting an audio link of the song that I wrote, it is kind of my story in 4 minutes. My singing voice is not fantastic nor is the quality of the recording but if you think it is a good idea please comment.

 

Dear Friends,

I was reading on the Huffington post about divorce and marriage and on the home page it said “Marriages come and go, but divorce is forever.” Really?  Seriously is this what we have come to? Has marriage become that worthless, a glorified dating ritual? What do you think about marriage? Is there a valid reason to leave a marriage? What has your experience been with marriage (or with married people)?

Packing up

Dear friends,

This summer I have the incredible opportunity again to go and work at a small Bible camp in rural Saskatchewan.  This will be my fifth summer working, and my sixth up there.  It promises to be tiring and draining, but also potentially the best experience of my life thus far.  It is going to be different though, because many of those I have served with are stuck doing paid jobs (how lame) and will not be there.  A great deal of the staff this year will be the younger crowd and I have just been given a violent shove to old.  This is very exciting because this summer will be so incredibly different and already (even though we are a month out) there is evidence of God working in the lives of those He has called up there. I am so excited to ship out in just 4 weeks.

There are many things I’m praying for including:

  1. openness in the staff and the kids to hear and receive what God intends First the obvious the kids need to be open so that God can work and do mighty mighty things. Second we the staff need to be open to God’s leading and be as flexible as possible
  2. for the chance to again see the little deaf boy who insanely changed the way I see what I do up there. This boy has gone through so much and it was difficult communicating, I really hope that he returns.
  3. to continue the relationships with campers from the past few years. Over the last four summers many of my campers have become friends, on facebook, occasionally a phone call or text, but the only time i get to see them is at camp.
  4. to see God’s hand move in these children. It is with great trepidation I pray this.  Last summer we prayed this and God moved in the children, after the tornado.
  5. that there be no complacency in my going there that I put away all selfish desires. This is a real fear because I have worked there so many times it is dangerous to become complacent and get into a routine.
  6. Health and well-being in the staff and the campers. It never fails that every summer something happens, either sick or injury. My foot still aches a little when I swim.
  7. THAT NO CAMPER EVER GOES HOME OR IS SENT HOME!!!!!!!!!!!! Last summer I lost two campers, one was sick (thus number 6) and one was homesick.  It was incredibly difficult.

I am not the only one who is going to work at camp though, many of my friends are also. One of my best friends here at Wayland Baptist University is also going to work at a camp. I am so excited and can’t wait to hear all about it

Will you pray for us tonight?

Wounded Dove Syndrome

Dear Friend,
As a warning this post is not going to be very nice. Ive noticed this thing with people, and myself included most definitely. Actually, I’m probably the worst offender. I saw this in a for lack of better term boy who had gotten dumped by his girl. He later wrote a post detailing the most heat-breaking experiences of his life, the break-up one of them. It got me thinking. We all have these experiences that tear us to shreds, but do we more often than not wallow in our hurt? I saw this and want to punch this kid in the face. We wen get a bad rep for not getting over stuff, but come on half of our men friends do the exact same thing. It makes me wonder why did I have to go through the process of forgiveness on both ends and everything else to find healing if others get to wallow. Now I have ranted and am finished.

What do you think, do we give into wounded dove syndrome rather than find healing? Have you been healed? Are you wallowing? How do we stop this?

Sincerely, Chloe

A Call to Action

Dear friends,

It’s time for some real talk.  Today, my good friend told me about something that she read.  I don’t remember exactly what it said, but this is more or less the gist of it.  We, in the American culture, look down on polygamy, but there are many who practice it these days.  You see so many are getting divorced these days then remarrying.  If God’s intention was for marriage to be life long (and this is fair because the statistics are just as saddening from those who profess to be Christian), then it should not be thrown out when times get hard (think of for better or for worse).  Paul encourages to hang on in marriage even if the other is not a believer (1 Corinthians 7.10-14) .  I would say our Western culture should be ashamed, we spit condemnation on polygamists, while we look over our own who are participating in it.  If you get divorced and remarried, I am sorry, but that means you have had two spouses.

Now before you go and think that I am some sheltered freak show who has no idea what she is talking about, I take you to my family.  In March of 2011 my parents filed for divorce and went through the painful process last year.  It climaxed in their court date in September, there was some issues with the paper work and the judge threw out the petition.  They filed again this past March about two days after the year anniversary.  I hear the word family and I am in some hot mess between cold blood and white hot anger.  Oh ya my family at one point in time was Christian.  When I was little we used to read the Bible together, twice a day as I recall (it’s been a few years so don’t hold me to that). Then my parents started fighting, and my dad took a job that paid more but required quite a bit of travel, he was home some, but when he was they would fight.  I remember being maybe five or six on the top bunk crying and plugging my ears as their shouts grew louder.  My dad started traveling more and more.  By the time moved out I only saw him about once a month, he helped me move so they could divorce a little more smoothly, and I appreciate that.  Being an adult does not make your parents divorcing any easier, just ask my older siblings.

Marriage is supposed to be a picture of God’s relationship with us, and right now we are really screwing with it.  When we as Christians get married and divorce what does that say about God and His relations with us. We are called to live as representatives of Him, but we make Him look weak, bad, uncommitted when nothing could be further from the truth.

Now this is not to let anyone off the hook. God, knows we have contributed our fair share to the mess of families, and we must take responsibility for our actions.  There is a greater, and much darker force behind this as well who is grinning at every divorce, suicide, and abandonment.  That is Satan.  Don’t believe me? Don’t think he cares to attack family? Let’s look at Genesis 3 where he tempts the woman (don’t forget the man was there too), and what happened they started blaming each other, sounds like a lot of marriages these days.  Consider the next chapter where Cain kills Abel (if I was honest there were many times I wanted to kill my siblings). The point is Satan is anti-family.  Ephesians 6.12 tells us, “Our battle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers of this present darkness, and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.” This is not to deny our own responsibility for our actions, but to remember that sometimes perception does not equal reality, and Satan is actively working against families.

So this is a call to action, for every struggling family, married couple, for the broken-hearted child of parents divorcing, for the family that still stands strong, to those without a family, for the wife of the man who left her (or vice verse), and to any who do not fall into any of those categories.  We need to fight, we need to pray, and we need to stand together united on behalf of families.  Do you know someone who is being impacted by a divorce in the family?  Pray for them. Are you in the struggling marriage? Pray. We need to stand against Satan and his blatant attacks on family.  To be blunt we need to kick him in the balls and tell him to piss off.  We have the victory so we need to claim it.  This is a call to fight for what is important, whether you have a family or not.

The first thing I want to do is pray for you if that is alright.  I want to pray for you in your situation and for a God intervention.

The second thing I would like to ask is if I you would like to hear the song, (or read the lyrics if I can’t figure out how to work my stupid camera)? It is more or less my story wrapped up with where God has taken me.

Oh What A Happy Day!

Dear friends,

Happy Easter! May it be filled with eggs, bunnies, peeps, and other meaningless ways to gain weight.  If the reason that evangelicals celebrate is completely false the Easter is nothing more than a celebration of Spring. No thanks, Spring has brought tornadoes, hail, and rain. I’ll be crawling back to winter with my tail between my legs now, thank you very much, I can deal with snow and ice.

Okay I am semi-joking.  Easter is a fantastic day, also called resurrection Sunday, Superbowl of the Christian faith, etc… This year though it means much more. See being a “grown-up” (loosely, legally) does not help in any way. Being out of the house does not soften the blow.  You see my parents are getting divorced, actually this is twice now.  Last March when they first filed it sucked, but there was hope. They took it court and it was thrown out because of some filing issues.  They filed again and this time everything was done properly and now there is no hope.  Well today is the day we Christians celebrate the resurrection.  In fact in about 2 hours I am going to church to sing and play guitar to Happy Day. This weekend God opened my eyes to something, see when there is no hope, that is reason to hope for a two major reasons.  First, because how do we know a person is hopeful except that they hope when things seem hopeless, it is not a big deal to hope when things are hopeful, or to love when the other person is lovable.  Second, it seems God loves to swoop in when things have become completely hopeless and everyone is on the brink of giving up.  Don’t say you don’t love that too, because think of the movies we watch, actually, every good movie we watch.

I say all of this to encourage you.  Perhaps you are going through things that are well beyond your abilities, or facing a mountain that seems insurmountable. Do not lose hope, perhaps this is just the beginning, and God has a plan and a reason for this journey, but you cannot see it just yet. Hold on in the difficult times, God will not fail.